The Noise

I’m one of those people who’s super easily distracted, especially by noise. I’ll be reading a news article and an hour later catch myself looking at beach houses in Belize or shopping for electronics I don’t want or need. I guess this is pretty common nowadays with our constant exposure to digital information, but for me, it’s always been problematic.

Noise comes in different forms for me. There’s the usual noise, actual sounds that distract me like a sub-woofer blaring from a car in front of my house, loud conversations near my desk at work or a guy singing with his iPod on the train. But then there’s the other kind of noise – the noise that doesn’t make any actual sound, but consumes space in my head and in my heart. The kind of noise that’s so loud it’s deafening and makes my brain hurt, and only certain people have the gift or curse to hear it.

What I’m talking about is the sound of all the unhealthy things we get distracted by, all the things we “hear” and pay attention to, all the things that don’t deserve any of our time or energy and rob us of a better morning, a better week, a better life. 

I get so completely distracted by the noise sometimes that I can’t function at all.  I dwell in the past, think about the what-ifs, focus on regrets, beat myself up and lose hope that I will ever be truly happy.  I focus on my failures and resent others’ successes and allow myself to become a victim.  And all of this because I allow myself to hear the noise.

In my clearer moments, I think about what really matters and then it starts to make sense again.  What happened in the past is past – whether it’s a great memory or a painful one, it’s the past and it’s not where I am right now, in this moment, in this life, at my age and in my present circumstances.  What may have brought joy at another time, may not bring joy now, and dwelling on its loss is a waste of my life right now.

What truly matters is now and not the past.  But, letting go of all that stuff that creates the noise is so painful and difficult and so daunting.

There is no choice any longer.  To move forward and start living, I must learn to focus on what truly matters.  Not what mattered in the past or what might possibly matter in the future, but what matters today, at this moment, in the present time… because everything else is just noise and robs me of happiness in the life I’m living today.